8 Common Questions (and answers) about Chinese Weddinds

By VIDA GABE

1.) Why are Chinese weddings always so big?


Chinese weddings are typically large because in addition to close family members and friends of both the bride and the groom, the "family associations" of both couples are also invited guests to the wedding. The association is comprised of families who used to live in the same vicinity in China as the couple’s ancestors before migrating to the Philippines. Although the couple may not be directly acquainted with all members of the association, inviting everyone to the wedding serves to honor the ties between each of these families which continue even up until today. This practice is also one of the reasons why the Chinese community has remained closely intact over the years.


2.) Why is there a big gap between the ceremony and reception time?


Because Chinese weddings are dated and timed down to the most auspicious hour, it isn’t unusual to have a wedding ceremony at 2p.m. (if this is deemed most lucky for the couple) and a reception at 8 in the evening (just in time for dinner). Because of this, it is estimated that more than 50% of guests skip the ceremony itself, preferring to go to the reception instead. Unlike Filipinos, the Chinese place more value in attending the reception since they know this is more likely the event where more people are expected to be present.


3.) What is the sang hi?


The sang hi is the Chinese symbol for double happiness and is usually imprinted on everything from invitations and cakes to little red stickers placed on top of gifts to wish the bride and groom luck and happiness in their married life.


4.) What are angpaos?


Angpaos are good luck envelopes, usually red, with double happiness sticker (or sang hi) emblem on them. They are usually filled with cash and given to anyone who has performed a service for another person during the course of preparations for the wedding. Amounts placed inside the angpaos vary depending on the service performed. Because Chinese guests usually give angpaos (or cash) as their present to the bride and groom, it is doubly important to make sure everything from the food to the service is up to par since the angpaos are almost tantamount to guests paying for the reception itself.


5.) Why are dress codes and RSVPs not strictly observed in Chinese wedding?


Dress codes and RSVPs are not strictly observed in Chinese weddings simply because this is not the Chinese way. Guests who come in simple attire do so because they feel that simplicity and thriftiness are virtues and hosts should not feel bad when this happens. On the other hand, since attendance in the wedding itself is considered an honor for the hosts, asking for an RSVP is generally not considered appropriate. Therefore, hosts should arrange for extra provisions to cover for unexpected arrivals.


6.) Why are there usually no centerpieces in a Chinese table?


Centerpieces, more often than not, take up a lot of table space and, ever practical, the Chinese usually opt to do without them in Lauriat feasts. This way, more space is provided for the dishes to be placed on the table and guests can easily chat with people sitting across them without having their view blocked. For this same reason, couples set on having centerpieces are advised to get "low and round" arrangements instead of "tall and slim" ones.


7.) What is meant by the "dessert syndrome"?


The "dessert syndrome" in Chinese weddings is the unspoken cue which allows guests to respectfully take their leave once the dessert course has been served. Because of this, it is ideal to schedule all major events of the program (e.g. toasts, etc.) before dessert to make sure no one misses out on anything important.


8.) What is a traditional Chinese toast?


A traditional Chinese toast, as opposed to a Western toast which is delivered by the best man or the maid-of-honor, is given by the bride and the groom with their parents to their guests. The toast can be delivered by the host, a family member, or a representative from the family association. It is traditionally delivered in Chinese (Mandarin or Fukien) since it is intended for, more than anyone else, the elderly Chinese guests of the couple.

Chinese Wedding Customs

By VIDA GABE
Article courtesy of Wedding Essentials magazine

Every culture has its own set of traditions and customs to follow and when it comes to weddings, the Chinese are definitely not an exemption. In this feature are some of the more basic and colorful rituals to planning and celebrating your own Filipino-Chinese wedding.


ENGAGEMENT

Foremost among the pre-wedding preparations for the Chinese is the celebration of the couple’s engagement. The Chinese engagement begins by obtaining the acceptance of both of the would-be bride and groom’s families. Once this is obtained, the kui jun or the Chinese version of the Filipino pamamanhikan can take place. During the kui hun, families agree on a date for the formal engagement (factors affecting this include the Chinese horoscope and the age difference between the couple) and how lavish or simple preparations should be. They also exchange information pertinent to engagement preparations such as family size, members, etc.


After the kui hun, the bride and the groom each begin to assemble items to be presented during the formal engagement (see box). The couple also has to meet with their wedding coordinator to discuss the number of loot bags to be given away during the wedding (this may be any even number except for four) which will determine the amount of gifts to be prepared by each side of the family. Traditionally, the bride is given leeway to invite more guests than the groom which means the groom has to present more gifts to her family to be given away during the wedding.


On the engagement day itself, the groom’s party arrives early at the agreed location (either the bride’s residence, a restaurant or a hotel) to give themselves time to prepare for the ceremonies. When everything is settled, the prospective groom enters the room. He is followed by four or more of his male relatives who enter in twos, with each pair carrying a sin na. They are followed by the parents of the groom after which, the rest of the gifts (i.e. Chinese boxes) are brought in by the representatives of the groom’s family.


After all of the groom’s party has entered, they are served a welcome drink (usually orange in color) by the bride’s family. This is followed by the entrance of the bridal party, which is always the same number as the groom’s. Finally, the bride-to-be herself enters, walking backward. She is escorted by a female relative chosen for her "good standing," her status as a married woman with children, and a horoscope not in conflict with the bride’s.


Once everyone has been assembled, the two parties can now proceed to the exchanging of gifts. The bride goes first, followed by the groom. After the exchange of gifts, the tea ceremony is begun. Tea consists of a sweet Chinese mixture served with red dates and condoles. Again, the bride begins by serving the groom’s family in order of seniority. She is followed by the groom who, in turn, serves the bride’s family in the same order. Tea is followed by the egg (hard boiled eggs served in water syrup and red dates) and misua (thin Chinese noodles) ceremonies respectively.


And because no event is ever complete without a memento, each of the ceremonies is documented all throughout by someone assigned to take pictures. The engagement ends with lunch for everybody while the couple has their pictures taken with guests of every table.




PRE-WEDDING PREPARATIONS

In addition to the engagement, the couple also has to attend to a number of other pre-wedding preparations. Among these is the selection of principal sponsors for the wedding. Once sponsors have been identified, a visit is arranged to formally request the chosen individuals to serve as sponsors. During this visit, sponsors are presented with a basket of goods containing many of the familiar Chinese gift items (i.e. canned pork, fruits, sweets, fabric for outfit to be worn at the wedding, etc.) as an appeal to their rendering service for the couple on the wedding day.


Another pre-wedding celebration includes getting the couple’s future abode ready for a providential married life. For this, the bride packs an assortment of items to be brought to her new home. This includes, among others, a baby bathtub with the bride’s toiletries and personal items (including jewelry), a completely new wardrobe, a small urinal, and a sin na filled with sweets and Chinese herbs to be placed beside the couple’s bed. A round mirror covered with a red satin cloth is also hung in the room and a pair of Chinese lanterns placed atop the bed. The lanterns must be kept lighted until the couple’s first son is born. It is the responsibility of the bride’s siblings to carry all the items into their new room two or three days before the wedding date. Once everything has been brought in, the family is given angpaos by the groom’s relatives and served misua with hard boiled eggs to express their gratitude and hospitality as well as to symbolize long life and a fruitful and lifelong relationship for the couple-to-be. Once the matrimonial bed has also been installed in the couple’s room, a baby boy born under the year of the dragon is made to roll around and sleep on the bed to ensure the couple’s fortune in bearing a son.




WEDDING

Much like the engagement and other formal events preceding it, the Chinese wedding is planned for, agreed upon and discussed long before it is set to take place. Pre-wedding preparations begin with setting both a date and time which are approved by a feng shui consultant, attuned to the temple’s lunar calendar, and compatible to the Chinese zodiac signs and horoscopes of the couple, their parents, grandparents and other close relatives. After the lucky date has been set, the next order of business is agreeing on a venue for the church and reception. As with the date and time of the wedding, venues are chosen for their facility towards ensuring the couple’s continued fortune and happiness.


A day before the wedding, the groom has to pick up the bridal gown and all other accessories and deliver these to the house or hotel where the bride will be preparing for the wedding. The groom hands these to the sister of the bride or her mother as he is not allowed to see his future wife until the wedding ceremony.


On the wedding day itself, the bride submits herself to the usual beauty and make-up rituals while wearing a red robe with a dragon emblem on it. Her father is tasked to comb her hair 2 to 4 times before she changes into her wedding clothes to remove all bad luck. The bride’s entire outfit, from her wedding gown and veil, to her shoes, stockings and even underwear must have a pair of the sang hi (double happiness) coin sewn in. Likewise, her future mother-in-law has sang hi coins sewn into her shoes (given by the bride) and stockings.


After she gets ready, the bride prepares to leave for church. Before getting into the car, she throws a fan bearing the sang hi symbol again to family members sending her off to express the fact that her leaving will not take away all good fortune from her family. On the way to the church, the bride-to-be is advised not to look back to show that she is now beginning a new life and ending her old one.


At the church, the couple observes the typical wedding service congruent to their faith. After the wedding and before heading to the reception, a tea ceremony is held between the newlywed couple and the groom’s family. This may take place either at the couple’s new home or a separate room to be rented at the reception venue. Similar to the tea ceremony which takes place at the engagement party, the bride serves tea to the groom’s family in order of seniority. In return, she is given a token (usually angpao or jewelry) by the groom’s family. This is followed by pictorials of everyone.


After the ceremony, the couple and their families head to the reception venue for what is usually everyone’s favorite part of the event—the Lauriat. In keeping with the traditional Chinese theme, Lauriat must-haves include: suckling pig (supposed to denote the virginity or purity of the bride), sharksfin soup (for wealth), red crabs (for happiness), pigeon and fish (for abundance), noodles (for long life), sea cucumber with abalone (to signify selflessness and wealth) and of course, dessert (for sweetness to be carried on throughout the couple’s union). Buchi is a standard dessert favorite since it stands for children and grandchildren. The Lauriat should consist of at least 8 dishes and may go up to eve more depending on the family’s wealth and prominence in society. All expenses for the wedding are borne by the groom’s family.






Sources:


Carol Sevilla, Wedding Planner
Telefax 727-7720

Jenny Lim, Wedding Coordinator

Chinese Wedding Banquets


Food chosen for a Chinese wedding banquet represents many things, including wishes for happiness, longevity, or fertility. Eight dishes—not counting dessert—are usually served, as eight is considered a lucky number. That’s because in Chinese, the word ‘eight’ sounds like ‘good luck’.


A wedding banquet can start with appetizers such as ‘dragon-phoenix’ plates or cold plates, made up of sliced meats, jellyfish, and various types of nuts. In a marriage, the dragon symbolizes the male, while the phoenix symbolizes the female. You could think of it as a yin-yang relationship of complimentary opposites. Therefore, lobster (which in Chinese is literally ‘dragon shrimp’) and chicken (whose feet are referred to in Chinese restaurants as ‘phoenix feet’) at a wedding banquet represents the yin-yang balance between the couple.

Here are a few more items commonly served at Chinese wedding banquets and what they represent:

• Shark's fin soup and abalone. Shark's fin soup and abalone represent wealth because these delicacies are very expensive.

• Roast suckling pig. A whole roasted pig is a symbol of virginity.

• Peking duck and lobster. Red is the color of happiness, so serving Peking duck and lobster signify joy and celebration. Served whole, the dish symbolizes completeness.

• Pigeon. Pigeons symbolize peace. Usually two pigeons are offered to wish the newlyweds peace as they embark on married life.

• Fish. When fish is served, it comes with the hope that the couple will experience a life together with abundance because in Chinese, the word 'fish' is a homophone for 'plentiful'.

• Noodles. Noodles served at the end of the meal symbolize longevity because the noodle strands are long

• Tea and alcohol are usually served at a Chinese wedding banquet. Offering tea is a sign of respect while alcohol is served to celebrate the special occasion.